Easter Bunny
by UglyDucklingPsychoSwan
Summary: The Joker is pissed off, the last thing he needs is for Harley to arrange a surprise...


_A/N: I know you're waiting for Family Portrait and Trials and Tribulations updates, but this wouldn't leave me alone._

 _A little bit of Easter fluff and sexy-fun-times for the clowns. Strictly M rated, you have been warned._

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 **Easter Bunny**

Joker was not in the best mood.

No, he was positively pissed off.

He'd lost a big business deal with Lex Luthor, Penguin had snatched it right out of his grasp and the slimy creep had disappeared out of Gotham. He didn't like it when his business was interrupted by idiots like Penguin, he found it even harder to swallow when it Luthor was intentionally cutting into his city. He stormed into his club, fire two shots into the ceiling and all of the party-goers disappeared quickly. It wasn't the lost money that annoyed him, it was the principle. He had enough money, he didn't need Luthor's and he didn't need to extra work. But the principle…

"Harley!" Joker yelled loudly, dragging out the last syllable of her name. "Blair! Kur! Eyeball man! One of you answer me before I start blowing brains out!"

"They're all out, boss," Jonny Frost said after he'd shut the club up and evacuated the rest of the staff. "You gave them the night off, said you wanted a bit of privacy for you and Harley to celebrate the deal."

"Well, call them back in," Joker grunted. "Or do I need to explain why I need to kill someone, Frost? Where's Harley? She better not have gone off to see that argumentative shrubbery! I've already told her what'll happen next time she flounces off to Poison Ivy without my permission!"

"She's upstairs boss," Frost told him. "Said she had a surprise for you and I wasn't to let anyone up there except you."

"Not another one of her pathetic attempts to impress me, I've had a bad enough day as it is," Joker growled and stomped away. His heavy leather boots thudded loudly against the stairs as he turned and made his way up to the apartment above the club. The two-floor space was well furnished, he took pride in it being tidy and just 'so', his master bedroom was lavish and mostly in hues of purple with a few emerald accents here and there. His way of living was just a benefit from all of his hard work getting to where he was and he had no intention of stopping now. He liked it and he didn't care how much of an arse-ache Harley found washing up by hand, he didn't want a dishwasher, he wanted to see her scrubbing pots until she couldn't pick up another brush. After everything he'd done for her, it's the least she could do for him.

Harley also had these little moments of madness where she would arrange 'surprises' for him. Occasionally she'd get it right and she'd have a caped do-gooder tied to a chair, or she'd be wearing a very tiny outfit and let him do what he pleased with her. Much to her dismay, it wasn't always the fun carnal activity that she had been aiming for. He pushed open the door and looked around quickly. She was nowhere to be seen, but there was a large purple box in the middle of the room. It had a green ribbon in a pretty bow on the top and a flurry of glitter around it.

"Hmm, I wonder where my ditzy sidekick could be," Joker said sarcastically. "Could she be wrapped in an unimaginative box, probably wearing very little, in the hope that her being my 'surprise present' is enough to distract me from the epic failure of a business meeting? Or maybe she's been very clever, gone and gotten dressed and is loading my guns and sharpening my knives? Hmm?"

He reached inside his jacket and pulled his razor from his pocket, he sliced the ribbon open and dug the blade into the lid of the box. He opened the giant package and prepared to grab Harley by the hair and drag her out of the damn thing. But she wasn't there. There was a small burst of confetti, paper ribbons and sequins and then revealed beneath was a brand new version of his golden machine gun that he'd lost in the crash in Midway. It was a perfect replica and as he lifted it from the box, he heard footsteps moving his way. He knew from the sound alone that they were heels, which meant Harley had finally come out of hiding.

"Happy Easter, puddin'!" Harley said brightly.

"Easter isn't a celebration that I observe," Joker replied flatly. "Especially not after I've just lost out on a million dollar deal thanks to the blasted Penguin undercutting me by a couple hundred grand."

"Oh, Mistah J, don't be such a sour puss," Harley giggled. "I'm sure I can make some smiles for ya."

"Why on earth would _you_ be able to make me smile-"

Harley was perched on the edge of the purple velvet couch in… well, not very much at all. She'd clearly taken the Easter theme and run with it though. There was sheer black lace with a delicate floral pattern leotard, matching elbow length gloves, white lace frill that ran along the edge of the bra cups down to her navel and sheer black stockings with black Christian Louboutin's on her feet. Her hair was long and down in its natural waves, smoky eye make-up and bright red lipstick, a thick black collar around her throat and finally on top of her head were bunny ears made of the same black lace as the leotard.

Against her pastel skin, the black was a stark contrast and left nothing to the imagination, it made his fingers itch to run over the material and feel her body through it. He wanted to tear it off her and teach her a lesson or three about wearing such a piece of clothing anywhere other than the bedroom. He'd let her keep the stockings, bunny ears and heels.

She was alluring and aesthetically pleasing, she was made for him. His blood pressure started to rise and his eyes grew wide as he took her picture in. The lace was damn near transparent, he could see every mark on her body, the slight darker skin around her nipples, her navel and then that special area that she saved just for him. If he wasn't so pissed off, she would have already been naked and gasping. He had too much of a need for her, he had too much of a deep rooted issue with her. He wouldn't let her win this. How dare she try and make this about her!

"What… on earth are you wearing?" Joker asked. He was still furious with Penguin and Luthor and Harley was now in perfect striking distance. He didn't have to land a hand on her to make her regret being around.

"Easter themed lingerie, Mistah J," Harley giggled and ran a hand through her hair. He watched her digits go through the locks of beautiful white, pink and blue and wanted to knot his fingers in that hair and pull her head back so he could suck and bite her neck.

"Take it off," Joker ordered.

"You take it off," Harley said with a husky voice.

"Take it off and go put something decent on," Joker growled, bristling at her disobedience. He watched her composure falter for a second and he went for the kill. "You look like one of the cheap street whores. Why would I want to touch you?"

"Puddin', I thought… well, I thought-"

"That I'd be interested in some dizzy dame dressing up as a… slutty rabbit?" Joker laughed and waved a hand flippantly at her. "Go and get changed. We're going out."

"But, I thought we could…. Well, it's been a long time since we had some time together," Harley protested. "And as Luthor was a bust, maybe… maybe this would make you feel better."

"Do you know what would really make me happy, Princess?" Joker asked and his fury built inside. He walked up to her and tilted her chin upwards so she looked into his eyes. Her perfect porcelain skin was soft and warm, marked with ink he'd chosen and kept beautiful because of her acid bath.

"What's that, Mistah J?" he always felt a sick coil of pleasure deep in his gut when she said his name or one of her little pet names for him. Her perfect innocence and naivety as a doctor had been twisted into this little devil. His little demon. But dear, sweet God, she was annoying as hell and her incessant positivity was grating.

"If you would get out of my sight!" Joker shouted and before he realised, his hand smacked against the side of her face. "Go away, Harley, I don't want to see you, screw it. I'll go out with the boys, you can stay here on your own."

"Fine!" Harley snapped and pushed off the arm of the couch. "Go out with the boys, see if I care! I try an' make thing's nice, I cook dinner, I dress up for ya an' make it so we don't get disturbed for an entire night, and this is what I get? A slap and shouted at? No, not anymore, go. Just go!"

"Don't you dare take that tone with me!" Joker yelled. She pulled the ears off her head and flounced away from him, it was only then that he saw the little bunny tail on the small of her back too. He watched her ass as her hips swayed and he followed her as she tried to strop away.

"Leave me alone!" Harley growled. "You self-centred, narcissistic, psychotic, emotionally stunted, repressed troglodyte."

"You don't even know what half those words mean!" Joker cackled loudly and he bent over double as he laughed. He took after her again as she ran up the stairs and for a second he had to admire her ability to do just about anything in heels. She threw a vase of dead flowers at him and he managed to dodge it, he lunged forward and grabbed her hair but she just kicked up her heel and dug it into his groin.

"Fuck me," Joker wheezed and grabbed the area that had just been assaulted.

"Well that was on the cards, _puddin'_ , but it ain't no more," Harley snarled and went into their bedroom. Joker moved as quickly as he could to stop her, but she slammed the door in his face and locked it. A growl ripped through him and he hammered a fist into the wood.

"Open the door!" he ordered.

"Nah, I think I'll enjoy a night on my own," Harley chuckled. "You can sleep in the spare room or on the sofa."

"Harley!" Joker roared. But she went silent and didn't reply after that. The room was silent and he paced like an enraged lion, trying to figure out a way to get to his lioness without destroying the entire building. She was so bloody temperamental, she was so easily offended. He had thought that she'd have a bit of a tougher skin by now, but apparently not. It made his games more entertaining though.

"Fine! If that's how you're gonna be, let's see how you cope on your own!" He shouted and turned on his heel. He lost his temper and smashed some of the least important ornaments, ripped a painting or two that he'd liberated from Gotham's art galleries and then used his new gun to shoot holes into the bloody cardboard box she'd left for him.

"See ya in a few days, princess!" Joker cackled. She wouldn't last a day. Hell, she wouldn't last an hour.

Surely.

 **~~ Eight hours later ~~**

Joker sat in one of the black SUV's, Frost sat in the driver's seat and a couple of the henchmen in the back. He was glaring at his cell phone and the anger from Penguin and Luthor had melted away into anger for no calls or texts from Harley. Not one. That bitch. She was definitely letting him down today. They'd ransacked a couple of jewellery stores, take a few of Penguin's guys' hostage and sent their dead and mutilated bodies on to Lex as a 'reminder' of who he was dealing with.

And she hadn't even called once!

Normally he didn't get five minutes peace, after an argument she was normally on the phone within minutes, begging him to come home and assuring him that whatever the argument had been about, it was her fault. But no, not one single, solitary message saying 'come home'. No missed calls, no voicemails.

"What next boss?" Eyeball man asked.

Oh that image of her in that barely-there lace ensemble sat in his mind and he thought of all the ways he could've removed it from her. Or not. He could've made one or two minor alterations and he could've used the outfit against her.

"Boss?" Pacman guy prompted.

He could've been between those delicious pale thighs, playing with her breasts through lace and pushing into her hot, damp pu-

"Jay? Anyone home?" Frost chuckled and touched Joker's shoulder. He pulled his pistol from his jacket and took aim at his right hand man's temple. "Shit, I didn't mean nothin' by it, Jay."

"Drive." Joker growled. "How… You gentlemen know the ways of women. I need to ask a few questions. You were married, weren't you Jonny?"

"Yes, boss," Jonny nodded and let out a relaxed breath after the gun was withdrawn.

"How do you… convince a woman to be not quite so angry?" Joker asked. He was _not_ apologising. Categorically _not_ apologising.

"Ah did ya have another argument with Harley?" Eyeball man smirked, well Joker imagined he was smirking behind that ridiculous mask.

"We had a disagreement," Joker admitted. "And I need to… win her round, otherwise I'm going to be even thirstier for blood. It could be yours too, if you don't stop asking questions about my life with that little… witch."

"We all hear your 'disagreements'," Pacman guy chuckled. "Well, she's still just a woman. Chocolates and flowers normally do the trick, regardless of how loony they are."

"Bottle of wine, perhaps?" Eyeball man suggested. "A present."

"It was a present that started all of this," Joker grunted. "No, that's… too normal, to expected."

"Maybe that's exactly why she needs it," Jonny shrugged. "You two don't do normal anything."

"You might be onto something there, Jonny boy," Joker nodded. He waved his hand as a signal for Jonny to drive and he looked down at his phone one last time. Frost took them to a small but busy shop and they pulled up outside. Joker swung out of the car door and started to search the aisles for the correct items. Pacman guy and Eyeball man made sure that all the other customers and staff were behaving themselves and not calling the cops. Frost pointed out some nice looking roses that were a mixture of red and yellow and Joker picked three bunches up. He cruised down the next aisle and picked up a few boxes of chocolates. He knew she didn't like nutty chocolates so did his best to avoid those, but he figured that if she would still be angry after this, the a few surprise almonds or peanuts would be the least of her problems.

"That's all for today, ladies and gents, thank you for your cooperation," Joker chuckled and left the building. Eyeball man shot the shopkeeper in the knee before they took off back to the club. Joker leapt from the car and went back up to the apartment. He noticed that the mess from earlier had been tidied up and as he entered the kitchen, he saw that she'd saved him his dinner. He picked up a vase and put a little water in it so the flowers wouldn't die straight away. It was almost painful for him to be the one brandishing gifts and sweets, but needs must and he needed his little monster back on side.

He took the vase and chocolates up to the bedroom and knocked on the door. But there wasn't an answer. He tried again before his patience ran out and he tested the handle to see if she'd locked it again. But it opened freely and he slipped into the room. He saw the outfit had been be cut into pieces and scattered around the floor. Okay, he'd been pissed, but he didn't think it had required that kind of destruction. He picked up the ears, the only thing to have survived her fury, but then his eyes travelled to his bed and he saw Harley laid there. Her eyes were closed and she had a grey pyjama set on now. The grey top had 'Sassy and I know It' written across the front and it left her 'lucky you' tattoo uncovered.

"Ain't ya just," Joker muttered and set the flowers and chocolates on her bedside table. He toed off his shoes, removed the rest of his clothes and pulled a petal from one of the roses. He twirled it in his fingers and smirked as a wicked idea came to mind. "Oh Harley…"

Joker carefully placed the ears onto her head and made sure it was secure. He moved to her feet and started to draw the petal over her skin, tickling her. He dragged it up and down her calves and feet then up to her thighs. He watched her skin prickle and Goosebumps lifted, she shivered a little and moved to lie on her back. He ran the tip of his tongue over his grill and then used the petal to trace the letters on her abdomen. He heard her breath hitch and a small whimper came from her lips. He watched her hips rise a little and he glared at her for a brief second. He wondered what was playing out in that pretty little head of hers and he moved over her, covering her body with his. He could feel her body twitching very slightly and he couldn't help but smirk.

"Oooh, bad girl," Joker purred. "Naughty, naughty." He moved back down her body and urged her shorts down her hips and off her legs as she raised her hips upwards again. He spread her legs and positioned himself between them. He lowered his head and took long broad swipes with his tongue up and down her folds, gently teasing her. She was already quite wet and as he licked up her juices, he noticed that her moans and whimpers were becoming louder too.

"Oh god," she gasped, still definitely asleep.

Joker chuckled against her core and focused his attention to the nub that brought her such exquisite and intoxicating pleasure. He slipped a finger inside and he smirked when she groaned loudly and her back arched. Her thighs tightened around his head and he had to use his free hand to keep her from breaking his neck.

"Yes, oh yes, yes!" she cried out and her hands twisted in the sheets. He slid a second finger inside and her growled as her body produced more and more moisture. He would take what he wanted shortly, but bringing her to the edge and leaving her hanging there was so much fun.

Finally her eyes snapped open and she looked down to see green hair between her legs. Harley let out a shriek as heat pooled at the bottom of her belly and her hands immediately grabbed at his hair. Joker laughed and moved back up her body and kissed her mouth hard. She could taste herself on his lips and tongue and she moaned desperately.

"Puddin'!" she gasped and ground her pelvis into his groin, feeling his hard arousal rub against her.

"What are the magic words, princess?" Joker asked before he started to bite and suck at her neck. Harley wasn't 100% sure that she would be able to speak, the noises she was making were definitely not words. He rarely went down on her and to push her so close to the edge and leave her hanging there had her struggling to form a thought. Joker wrestled her top off, she scratched down his back and one hand went back to his hair.

"Please, daddy," Harley gasped finally.

"It's all you had to say, pumpkin," Joker said and pushed inside of her. He knew he was almost too big for her, but it didn't stop him. If she wanted to play this game, she had to put up with a little bit of pain. He watched as her eyes rolled back and her mouth dropped open. He immediately started to snap his hips against her, a hard and demanding pace that left her crying out for more.

"God, daddy!" She squealed.

Once upon a time, he'd managed to tune out these needs and reactions. But when he'd seen her in the therapy room with those teasing stockings, high heels and sass, he'd been undone. Then when she'd shrugged off Harleen and become his Harley Quinn, he was doomed. She was as depraved as he was and she offered herself to him at any given time. He was pulled from his thoughts as her hands scratched through his scalp and down his back. He could feel blood on his spine and he gave one particularly hard thrust. He felt her clamping down around him, her back arched and she let out a sharp shout as she came around him.

Joker pulled away and sat beside her, his back resting against the bedhead. Harley scrambled up a second later and climbed into his lap. She kissed him and impaled herself on him, she groaned as he filled her entirely again and pressed down so he went a little deeper. It made her gasp and after a couple of seconds she started to ride him. Harley leaned her forehead against his and his hands grabbed her ass, pulling her down with more force. He buried his face against her breast and sucked on her nipple. He enjoyed all her body offered him and he was willing to use it until she stopped providing entertainment. He spanked her ass hard, leaving a bright red blush on her skin, it made her clamp around him tightly and Harley cried out. She pulled his head against her chest and braced her hands on his shoulders, using the leverage to move faster.

"Oh yes, baby, god you're amazing!" Harley called out. She was always quite vocal during sex and it inflated his ego with every movement they made. "You feel so good!"

"Use your imagination, princess," Joker groaned and bit her nipple hard. Harley lurched to the side and pulled a knife from his bedside table. He watched intently as she ran her tongue up and down the blade, drawing a little blood. He leaned forward to kiss her, to taste the crimson in her mouth but he found the blade pointed into his chest, above his heart.

"I should do it," Harley groaned as her body started to tense again. "For disrespectin' me earlier. Callin' me a whore an' a slut."

"You are, you're my little slutty bunny," Joker growled and hooked his hips upwards again.

"I am not your slutty bunny," Harley snarled back.

"The ears say differently," Joker laughed and Harley let the tip of the knife poke through his skin bringing one drop of blood to the surface. She darted her head down and licked up the droplet. "And bunnies need boiling."

He grabbed the knife and flipped them round. He threw the blade to the floor and his hands locked around her neck. Her nails dug into his wrists and her legs framed his hips as he jack-hammered his groin into her. His body was desperate for release, to spill inside of her and quiet these urges for a short time. He watched as she tried to capture breath, but his hands didn't allow it. He loved watching her flounder like a fish out of water when she couldn't breathe, he enjoyed watching her as she came so close to passing out and then giving her the reward of air.

"I own you," Joker hissed, spittle sprayed her face as he fought his release. He let go of her neck and as she took a much needed big breath of air, Harley fell to pleasure. She screamed in ecstasy and he followed. His spine went stiff and he pushed as deep inside of her as he could, he let out an almost pained groan as he spilt his seed. He fell forward and Harley wrapped her arms around him. She stroked his hair and neck gently and placed kisses on the side of his head as he rested on her.

"Am I forgiven?" Joker asked quietly, his mouth by her ear.

"For being an arsehole?" Harley mumbled.

"I bought flowers and chocolate," Joker informed her. "Well, I didn't _buy_ them…"

"That's so… domestic of you," Harley giggled. Finally he moved out of her and laid flat on his back, Harley immediately curled up to him and a sense of calm washed through him. He put one arm around her and stroked her arm. The insanity in his mind was always calmer for a few minutes after he'd fucked Harley and he could truly appreciate her. He looked at the stupid bunny ears on her head and he chuckled tiredly as he removed them and tossed them to the floor.

"I'm… sorry, Harls, for being pissy," Joker admitted reluctantly. "And for hitting you."

"You're forgiven," Harley whispered as she became groggy. "Happy Easter, Mistah J."

"I don't celebrate-" he groaned. "Happy Easter, Harley."

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 ** _Hope you've enjoyed!_**


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